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AT&T: Modem Thinking in a Wireless World

In the race to the bottom of disconnectivity is AT&T, whose has been and currently under fire for its lack of capacity for the I Phone. The groundswell of discontent from its customers is not only real but can be laid directly at AT&T’s door step. The I Phone is a multifunction communications device allowing you to make phone calls, instant message,  surf the internet and use any number of the thousand of independantly created ‘apps’ that all rely on the same bandwidth to work.

There in lies the problem. Prior to  smart phones the internet used one channel for connectivity over phone lines with the use of modems. Back in the day when you plugged your computer into your phone line and ‘dialed up’ to get to the internet. When you were online, your mother couldn’t call you. ISP’s provided connectivity using the 10% rule. They sold 10  accounts for every modem slot they had, as early on only around 10% of its users would be online at any one time.

Despite the advances in multiplexing, and other technologies, smart phones suck up bandwidth and owners use them. All the time. AT&T is a phone company, still living in a modem world. Until it builds out its network, it will continue to fail. Recently AT&T petitioned the FCC to get out of the landline business.

This won’t help them nor attempting to disconnect 1 in 5 folks in the US who only use landlines. That’s right, 20% of folks make phone calls and don’t want to have anything to do with the internet. Most days I can’t say I blame them.

The Tiger Situation

The Tiger Situation has me laughing so hard I really should only read the news on the toilet to avoid accidents.
OMG! Tiger is dipping his Wick!!!
Golf becomes Flaccid!
Sponsors running for Cover!
Yet another clueless wife!

Golf is stunned. The biggest problem is theory that Infidelity will cut strokes off your game and make you a Better Golfer. Tiger gets strange, he wins championships. Based on the evidence this is true. Sponsors are fucked, because their products are associated with a guy whose private life has sex in it.

Our Balls make it easier for you to Pick Up Chicks!
Our Shirts are cut wide to get You into the Action!
Our Clubs will not Tire You Out!

Yeah, crude but pointed into what advertisers think will splash them because a guy has sex when he is not hitting balls, wearing shirts or carrying clubs.
Advertisers have their heads so far up their asses that they think that Tiger’s infidelity will infect their products causing mass sex orgies, by association. You are sponsoring his golf, not his life without a club.
The funniest part about Golf’s Stand is that the Last Bad Boy of the greens, John Daly is the only one who is pointing out that Tiger is the reason the rest of them are making so much money.

A Typical Story. Public Figure gets caught having an affair. Wife Clueless. The stories and responses are so fucking boring and predictable that major media probably has a template for them.

Today it was discovered [insert name] has been having an affair. [insert name] a [insert job title here], was discovered by [insert source here], who is a [insert deprecating description here], whose revelations pointed to a relationship lasting blah, blah, blah…
[insert wife’s name] was reported to be shocked and totally clueless unaware of the affair.

The bullshit surrounding these affairs is astounding. The man is always straying. True. Why isn’t he getting it at home? Was sex used as a tool to rope the guy into marriage? Is there somewhere in the vows that states that Marriage is the Death of Sex? It certainly looks like it from the outside.

Where do all these clueless wives come from?

These guys are not being caught in leather bars, chicken ranches or sheep farms, but are being found out having probably missionary position sex with maybe a blow job added. Here is a tip. If your man is getting it at home, he is not gonna look elsewhere. Unless it isn’t any good.

For some reason the media continually gives these women a free pass. Tiger’s wife is probably as close to a trophy wife as possible whose only previously experience was being a checkout clerk, model, and nanny for a golfer.
Really. The last half dozen women in these marriages have no clue? Especially these women, whose spouses are famous in either Business, Sports or Public Service. When you look at the CV’s of these women, you see educated, connected, and allegedly intelligent women. But they haven’t quite figured out that sex is part of the deal.
Marriage is not the Death of Sex
If you think so, call a fucking attorney and get a divorce. Sports are suffering, Sponsors are suffering, and your sexual problems or intimacy issues need a therapist and not a headline.

Social Networks and Privacy #FAIL

There is no privacy on the internet. You post it, it becomes fair game and part of someone’s database by the time you finish reading this sentence. Social Networks have never been about privacy. N E V E R.

Think about it for just a moment. You are reading this because you pay for an internet connection. Lord only knows how you ended up here. Somebody offers you a place to post information about yourself, photos, and text, for Free. Do you really believe that there is a web fairy footing the bill to allow you to share this information to only a small group of ‘friends’?
There are no privacy controls that will ever work on any computer that is publicly accessible on the Internet. Not for long.

Facebook’s latest foray into privacy controls has created an entire cottage industry of explanations and step by step guides to actually afford you a virtual fig leaf. Good Luck with that. That may last until the next brain fart from Facebook Central.

Facebook is the poster child for OPM Other People’s Money and Other People’s Material A sort of New Math for the Advertising Targeting Complex.
Facebook uses Other People’s Material (yours) to populate their site. You lost control of your material and privacy as soon as you set up an account.
Exhibit 1.

Sharing Your Content and Information

You own all of the content and information you post on Facebook, and you can control how it is shared through your privacy and application settings. In addition:

1. For content that is covered by intellectual property rights, like photos and videos (“IP content”), you specifically give us the following permission, subject to your privacy and application settings: you grant us a non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use any IP content that you post on or in connection with Facebook (“IP License”). This IP License ends when you delete your IP content or your account unless your content has been shared with others, and they have not deleted it.
Source Facebook Terms

First they say that you own your material, then they tell you that you have given them a ‘royalty free world wide license’ to use any of it in anyway they want.

They use Other People’s Money to support themselves until they get enough advertisers to sign up to pay the bills. In order to get advertisers to buy in, they need to use Other Peoples Material to chum the waters. At the end of the day you and your material are bait for advertisers, to try to sell you shit.

There is no Privacy in Social Networks.
Social Networks are not about privacy. They are Social as in Pregnancy. There is no ‘a little bit pregnant’. This is why I laugh my ass off when I read postings like this,Facebook’s Privacy Move Violates Contract With Users
What bullshit! As I mentioned above, you have no privacy, nor do you have any control over the shifting sands of this weeks privacy rights to the material that you post there.  The author goes on about the dangers of this network and makes a leap that there is some contract about your use of their service giving you any privacy. Privacy settings are a Virtual Figleaf so you are not Socially Nude. And only show up in your browser, while in the back room, all your data is being collated, strained, prioritized, and shoveled into the sweaty hands of advertisers. Facebook makes no money by keeping things private.
Facebook, like the rest of the Social Networks are using Advertisers who should have more sense, building the Internet version of magazines. Having the ability to corral ‘users’ into smaller and smaller boxes to shoot ads at, is the electronic Midway Carnaval, and you are all rubes.
Social Networks and Privacy is an Oxymoron
Regardless of what sort of pixie dust you are snorting, Eric Schmidt of Google is right in telling you, If you want to keep things private, keep them off the internet.

Christmas Movies for Action Junkies

It is that time of year that you will want to snuggle up and watch a movie. Being an action junkie but sensitive to the holiday spirit, here are my favorite Christmas movies.

Die Hard Everybody thinks that this is just an iconic action hero movie, which it is, but it is a Christmas movie.

Die Hard with a Vengeance A couple of years go by, and John McClane celebrates Christmas in Washington DC.

The Long Kiss Goodnight A warm tale of an amnesiac recovering her memories and juggling home life with saving the world.

If you would rather laugh and not worry about the end of civilization as we know it I suggest
Badder Santa (Unrated Widescreen Edition) Billy Bob Thorton will warm your heart.

If on the other hand, depression is your goal:
Black Christmas (Full Screen Edition) Black X-mas A slasher movie that will douse any holiday spirit around.

After you have had christmas, here is one for the New Year.
End of Days Arnold saves the world from ultimate evil.
Happy Holidays!

Your New Connected Life

So you have an electronic life. Let’s see what happens. Last night you went to a ‘retirement’ party at the office. (A retirement party is given to folks who actually work at a company long enough to qualify. Relax It will never happen to you!) You had too much to drink and came home in a cab.

7:30 AM
Your Smart Phone wakes you up to begin a new day in your connected life. You wake up this morning feeling like you have been devoured by Godzilla and crapped off a cliff. You crawl to the bathroom with your smart phone and try to check your messages. Your hands are shaking and so your smart phone fires up the Phone Doctor app. You grip the phone,(the sharp sensation you feel is the bloodwork probe), and click on the Medic Alert App.

As a result of this app your smart phone dials up your doctor, and sends it’s information to his Doctor 2000 program which, compares your symptoms against its database for you. (standard connect time charges apply) Since your symptoms are vague, the Doctor 2000 Program has your smart phone snap a picture of you and sends it to the Doctor 2000 program for analysis. Since your phone snapped your photo, your ‘Its My Life’ app logs in to your Friendbook page and posts it to your wall with a catchy Good Morning!

The Doctor 2000 program thinks you have the flu. You need drugs. It writes a prescription, emails it to the pharmacy, which fills the prescription, and sends Harry the delivery boy to your house with the life saving drugs. It also texts a note to your work outlining your preliminary diagnosis, and informs them that you will not be in this morning.

Since you belong to a (HMO)Health Maintenance Organization, they receive an email to their database, notifying them that you are sick, and will adjust your premium accordingly. Your HMO sends an email to your HR Department informing them of this change and notifying the company that their premiums are going up.

7:35 AM
In the blood work was a high blood alcohol content reading, (We know it was a retirement party), but the Doctor 2000 program flags your file, and an email is sent to the nearest AA chapter, which dials your phone with a prerecorded message urging you to attend the next meeting which is starting in 15 min.


Since ‘meeting’ is one of the keywords on your phone, the “Its My Life” app fires out a message to your Friendbook page telling your ‘friends’ that you have a meeting, which fires up the Friendbook AdBug program and takes your new morning photo and creates an Ad for a money saving coupon for coffee at the nearest Startrucks coffee shop, and pops it up on all of your friends pages.
Your twizzle text app, sends a message to all of your twizzler buddies updating them on your condition.

7:50 AM

The knocking on your door is Harry from the drugstore with your prescription. Your wired house sensing that you are still in the bathroom lets Harry in. Since the drugstore is delivering, it has already texted the bill to your HMO, which has sucked the deductible out of your bank account, as well as the next premium increase. Your HMO file is flagged and you receive an email and a text message asking if you have dealt with your alcohol problem with a map and list of the nearest 100 AA meetings. (standard connect time charges apply)

“Its My Life” fires off an email to your Friendbook page with a number of links to 12 step and recovery websites. Twizzler updates your condition with a link to your Friendbook page. With the keywords recovery and 12 step, you receive 200 new ‘friend’ requests to which your Friendbook Page automatically accepts on your behalf.

Since your phone is busy updating and accepting your 200 new ‘friends’, your calls are routed to your Media Control TV.
Your television turns on and adjusts the volume up as you are still puking your guts out in the bathroom. Your set top box screams you’ve got mail! It is an infommercial from the drugstore on tips for dealing with the flu, thanking you for shopping, and offering you more products to help you get back on track. The printer starts pumping out Money Saving Coupons.

Another window opens up in your tv, from the Medic Alert Internet App Company offering to send you the Upgraded Medic Alert 2001 app. Since you have not responded in 30 seconds to this offer, it is shipped instantly (just like the book clubs) and your bank account is debited for the first of 300 EZ payments. Your phone gets a confirmation text outlining your purchase, and starts updating your phone which gives all incoming messages lower priority and sends them to your email account., which forwards them to your TV. Your Medic Alert reboots your phone, and has determined that you are still barfing, so it tells the House to direct Harry to your location. Harry administers the life giving products and helps you back to your bed. He snaps a photo to send to his ‘friends’

Since your phone has updated, it fires up your twizzle app and lets everybody know that you have the new Medic Alert 2001 app. Your Friendbook network seeing your twizzle update, post this info to your page. Your friends post back wishing you luck and good wishes to get well soon. Since Medic Alert is a Valued Partner of Friendbook, another ad is created and posted on your friends pages.


The New Medic Alert app rescans your sample and has determined that there are virus particles on the floor,(yes, you are a bad shot), and emails the Daisy HouseKeepers(a Valued Partner), to come and clean your bathroom. Your Friendbook Page creates another Ad and sends it out to all of your ‘friends’.
Since the virus particles on your floor are similar to the Public Health Watch List, Your Name and address is posted on the Public Health website and a Health Alert is posted to your neighbors, by text and email. Your Friendbook Page updates your page with this information.
Your Friendbook page tells the Friendbook Ad Manager that a health keyword has been posted. There is a glitch in the dictionary and a Testimonial Herpes Ad is created using the photo Harry took of you puking the the Bathroom, and it is sent out to all your friends and everybody else who has either health or herpes on their pages.

Your Media Control TV is plugged into the rest of your house and your pantry is queried and you are found to be woefully lacking in the proper disinfectants to ensure a good job. An emergency email is sent to your grocery store for the products needed to abate this now a Biological Hazard Cleanup. These products are dispatched at once! Again your bank account is debited for this. Your twizzle app sends out a message letting everybody know that you may be infectious, and not to stop by. Harry meanwhile waiting for confirmation of payment, grabs some of your bandwidth to check his Friendbook Page, and finds that you are now his newest ‘friend’ who has just sent him ads from your Friendbook page. He tries to unfriend you, but the connection is poor and the network traffic at Friendbook is rising at a phenomenal rate.

There is a knock on the door. It is Daisy to Clean. Your house permits her to enter. Her pager goes off. It is a alert that this is not a mop and glow situation, but HazMat. The house directs her to the kitchen, to wait for the delivery from the grocery store. The coffee pot starts and the house offers her a cup of coffee while she waits. Meanwhile, since the situation has changed from her original dispatch, her time and material program starts the meter running. Because Daisy has a Friendbook page, it gets updated, and automatically ‘friends’ you. All of your ‘friends’ get a money saving coupon from Daisy. Since Daisy now has you for a friend, Harry is added to the list, and begins receiving money saving offers from Daisy as they sit at the table.

She talks with Harry, who is waiting for confirmation from the drugstore of receipt of the co-pay from your bank account. He is brought into the loop regarding your Hazmat Cleanup, he grabs his palmtop and emails the drugstore for gloves, gowns, shoe covers, and Biohazard ”DO NOT CROSS” tape. This flags the drugstore program, which by law must report this group of products as a Bio Hazard, emailing the Local Health Department. Harry updates his twizzle page which gets picked up by his Friendbook page which automatically ‘friends’ you and Daisy. More Ads and Money Saving Coupons.

Your Friendbook app has seen the twizzle update and has posted the Health Department Notice on your page. Since you have received an email from the Health Department, your Doctor 2000 app emails your HMO and your work.

There is a knock at the door. It is the grocery store with cleaning supplies and a loaf of bread. (you were running low) It is left on the stoop with a flyer asking you to check out their Friendbook Page and including Money Saving Coupons. Meanwhile you are back in the bathroom puking again.

There is another knock at the door. It is the Health Dept. Biohazard Response Team. They are all wearing Level 4 Racal BioHazard suits, as the email they received said that your flu virus had not been classified at the time of dispatch. They meet Harry and Daisy and move them into the kitchen for testing.

Your phone is busy receiving confirmations from your bank, drugstore, grocery store, twizzles, and updates from your Friendbook page. Since the health department has priority, your TV goes off again with new messages, Notification from the Health Dept. regarding your Biohazard, and notifying you that your neighbors on both sides have been emailed regarding the developing situation in your house from Daisy, the grocery store, (Your printer starts printing money saving coupons). Your phone company sends you a text telling you that your Unlimited Plan minutes and data has been exceeded and you are now on the Premium by the byte and second plan.

The Biohazard Team sets up an Isolation unit in your kitchen to test Daisy and Harry for Possible Infection.

The team leader enters your bedroom to interview you to determine the possible cause and source of your illness. But you are in the bathroom again. Based on these answers, your work is sent an alert to quarantine all of the folks at the retirement party. Your company sends you an email requesting that you call in to update them on your Health Status. ‘Health Status’ is another keywork which fires up your ‘Its My Life’ app, and updates your Friendbook page, and sends alerts to all of your ‘friends’ including the 200 new ones you made in the last hour.

Your TV goes off again with new messages from the drugstore (More money saving coupons) and your doctor. You have an appointment at the Clinic at 9:30AM. You have also received a message from your works HR Department requiring you to make an appointment to see your doctor. Your Doctor 2000 app tells your phone to retest you.

Daisy and Harry test negative for infection. But until the Health Department is finished, they will need to stay. The drugstore has delivered the bio hazard supplies, and the cleanup begins.

Your tv goes off again with a message from your doctor rescheduling your appointment in 2 weeks. Another message arrives from your HMO canceling your coverage due to the fact you did not make your doctor appointment, nor did you request the appointment in writing 5 business days prior. Your personal Lawyer 2000 program files suit in court to overturn this decision.

10:00 AM
Your Lawyer 2000 program informs you that your suit was denied. Your drugstore, re bills you for the balance of your prescription and HazMat supplies. You receive an email alert from your bank notifying that your balance is below the free checking limit and you will be billed accordingly.

Your work’s HR department sends you an email letting you know that your coverage has been canceled, and your wages are being garnished to pay these bills and an invoice from your company for accounting and payroll services. These charges are automatically deducted from your checking account.

The new Medic Alert 2001 arrives. The Biohazard team leader plugs it in. It retests you and alerts the Doctor 2000 program that new information has arrived. The new information states that you have a hangover from the party last night, (elevated alcohol levels) and not the flu as previously thought.

Since you no longer have medical coverage, your bank account is debited 300.00 for the consultation, 600.00 for lab work and 300.00 for paperwork. Your Finance 2000 program notifies you that your checking account is overdrawn. Your bank account has kicked in the overdraft protection feature of your account and sucked your savings dry.

You are still short. Your Finance 2000 Program applies for a loan to cover the shortfall and to cover the returned check charges. The Banker 2000 program in reviewing your recent banking activities, grants you the loan by placing a lien on your house, car and computer.

Your house 2000 program informs you that the medic alert 2000 had a software bug that caused bogus results. It informs the Lawyer 2000 program which starts suing everone in sight. But your lawyer 2000 program requires office expenses up front.

It examines your finances and determines you need money. It arranges with the bank to put your house, car and computer up for Auction. When you signed up for online banking one of the Terms and Conditions was a Power of Attorney buried in the boilerplate.
Keyword ‘sale’ updates your Friendbook Page and Twizzler alerts are sent out.

Your tv opens up new windows and informs you that your house, car and computer have sold!
You are still short, as the proceeds did not cover your outstanding debts. Dure to the recent activity your credit score has dropped and your credit card companies send you a new payment schedule

Your lawyer 2000 programs files bankruptcy protection on your behalf. Too late. another software bug.

The Police arrive with a Vacate the Premises order. Due to the War on Terror and having Bio Hazard tape around your house, the police run everybody’s ID. Daisy is arrested for unpaid parking tickets. Harry is given a clean bill of health and goes back to work.
On the way out the Repossion company is hooking up your car, handing you a bill of sale, and a Payment Demand from the Finance Company. Daisy’s Friendbook Page updates with her arrest and your photo is dumped on the front page as a deadbeat.

The new owners attempt to enter, but cannot because the health dept. has not recalled the Biohazard alert. It’s there, but due to the increased message traffic across the net, the message is stuck waiting to send.

Their Lawyer 2000 program sues for breach of contract.

Your headache is gone, your house is clean and gone, your car and computer are gone. Your last emails are from the Employment service, the bank, the lawyer 2000 program informing you that all of your suits have been denied, and Welcome messages from the 20 new creditors you have acquired in the course of this mornings events.

Waiting outside are your new AA friends, and the neighbors in paper coveralls from the decontamination showers, carrying torches and yard implements screaming ” that’s the guy with the Internet House”! Behind them are Process Servers to collect money on behalf of your 20 new creditors. Also is a message canceling your Friendbook and Twizzler accounts, for various high crimes and misdemeanors, and a text message from your phone company disconnecting your service for exceeding your bandwidth and listing the 1300 un friending messages, the slashdotting of your friendbook page, and a termination notice from your employer.

The Police have returned with a number of warrants for your arrest on charges ranging from disturbing the peace to wire fraud.

But, you have many dollars in money saving coupons.

Variety’s Paywall Bailout Lottery

Paywalls are the last Bailouts for content industries attempting to maintain solvency on the internet. News and media organizations of all sorts, from hard news, specialty publications, audio and video industries are discovering that content surrounded by advertising may have kept the printing presses running, but the internet isn’t buying.

Paying for content on the internet is like trying to get folks to pay for air. Here is a hint on that uphill battle, We are already paying a subscription to our Internet Service Provider. With that we have the run of the internet seeing what we can find, on our schedule, and can converse or even become a publisher ourselves) The internet is not an exclusive monologue broadcast medium. Speaking Truth to Power is not confined to Editorial Conference rooms, nor does it require a staff of hundreds. An internet connection and a keyboard gives a guy in a trailer park the same chance that a mega corporation has of reaching an audience.

There are a number of publications that are web subscription only and are still in business, notably the Wall Street Journal, whose focus is on financial news that is vital to its readership. There are others but share a common set of factors. They are niche publications, provide information that is relevant, timely and authoritative.

News Print publications are taking the largest beatings due to the changing nature of searching, accessing and interacting with news. An exclusive story used to have shelf life measured in days, now it is measured in minutes for the slower stories. News organizations shot themselves by going online without a paywall from day one. These organizations devalued their offerings with the first steps on the internet without a subscription service. Nor have they made a good case for subscriptions since.

Variety is the latest entrant into the Paywall Bailout Lottery. Variety is a trade publication that reports on the arts in film, television, theater, and music. It was arguably the premier publication in its field. There are however hundreds of niche sites that focus on these areas. Like all publications that are struggling, they have to offer something extra to get you to sign up. Variety’s solution:

One fee now provides access to all Variety products, including the print editions of Daily Variety and weekly Variety, as well as Variety.com and Digital Variety. Currently, the introductory subscription rate is $248 annually. Once a person subscribes, all Variety content is accessible on any platform.
Source Variety.com

P.S. Following the link above will count against you: “Nonsubscribers may access only five pages of content in any given month.”
This is a ballsy experiment. Not only are they attempting to support their online efforts, but are trying to keep their printing presses rolling. There is probably something about the Ad Sales department selling two ad spots(online and print) for the same money. Further devaluing their desirability and decreasing their income.

They may not have gotten the memo that folks who digest news online are the last in line to have their mailboxes filled with the same news.

Facebook’s New Privacy Publicity Settings

Those kids at Facebook just can’t catch a break. In their continuing quest to throw every piece of advertising trash against their ‘members’ to see what sticks, they have really outdone themselves this time. Facebook’s problem is they can’t decide if they are Fight Club or WalMart. First rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club. Wal Mart on the other hand offers cheap shit to anybody they can get to walk in the door.

Starting our at Harvard as an electronic collegiate Fight Club whose actual authorship is still under a cloud, ( $65 Million settlement under seal is not proof of genesis , but a legal expedient to remain attractive to advertisers and the burgeoning covens of ‘Social Media Firms’)  it was just another club with Membership requirements, you know, like actual verification of attendence at Harvard. Since opening up their ‘membership’, the only requirement is an internet connection and a pulse.

This in concert with their Terms of Service allowed them to grant themselves a “non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use, copy, publicly perform or display, distribute, modify, translate, and create derivative works of (“use”) any content you post on or in connection with Facebook.” every piece of text photo and page on their servers. So the AdMen descended on Facebook like a pack of rabid dogs finding a kitten in their yard. The natives started getting restless when they discovered that  their photos were being use for product endorsements without explicit permission. That was the Beacon lunacy. Cheap at 9.5 Million to settle that one. According to PC World:

Facebook has terminated the Beacon program and agreed to pay $9.5 million into an interest-bearing account to create a nonprofit foundation that will “fund projects and initiatives that promote the cause of online privacy, safety, and security.”
Source: PC World

Anybody seen this Foundation?
The latest Playing at Privacy episode is the new privacy settings that default to public everything, if you do not go through a whole bunch of settings.
You will be able to hide some things, but the vital Advertising Targeting Information will be available to all like:

Some information–including name, profile picture, gender, current city, networks you belong to, friend lists, and pages you’re a fan of–will be available to everyone
Source c|Net

So you will be able to keep that photo of you puking on somebodies sofa private until the game changes because the ROI falls. Trust me, Facebook is not designed to help you find and share your interests, it is designed to let advertisers sell you shit.

Periodic Table of Cupcakes

Cupcakes – Discover 46 Easy Cupcake Recipes on WomansDay.com.

Yet another Facebook ‘feature’

In the continued quest to monetize your participation in the Facebook silo, is this article outlining Photo Tags.

The Biggest Nuisance on Facebook – Photo Tags.
Hattip to Digital Inspiration